He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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