Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
