You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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