after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
