i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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