I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
