The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
