Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
they're like a gay fantastic four
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Send help, water and tortillas.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
