dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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