$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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