he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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