There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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