you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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