Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
