I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
