I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize