What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
