I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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