You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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