So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
