Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
