Rock
Scissors
Fuck
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
