hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
