it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
