so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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