There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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