My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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