just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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