she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
