We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
