So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
