i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
