there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
