i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All the doctor said was why
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
