I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
