Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
