I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
