just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
