No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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