she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
