my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
