I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you had me at cake vodka
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
