I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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