I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
