Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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