Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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