RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize