I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
