I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
