On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
