Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
