great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
