I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
