cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
