..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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