Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
