I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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