I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
