Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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