Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
