Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
