My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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