After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
