Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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