I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Please don't give away my fajitas
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
