69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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