i barfeds in our rink
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
