This dress was meant to end up on your floor
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
