He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
