Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize