you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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