well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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