I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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