Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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