Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sext me about skeletons
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
