If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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