I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
