Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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