we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
