what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
pray to the hookup gods
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
